Life As A Black Woman – Learning To Love My Skin

I’ve had this blog post – or a variation of that – sitting for a while. But since we’re on the topic of #BeingBlack I thought it was a good time to finally speak up about my life as a black woman. I read once that silence doesn’t change anything. It shrinks us and takes our stories and feelings away. Therefore, I’m deciding to bring-forth what is buried within me because vulnerability is a part of healing. Speaking up is freeing.

Black Lives Matter

Too often, we see another black man or black woman on the news being killed and most times, its for no apparent reason. If you want to arrest someone for doing something wrong, that’s fine, it’s the law. At least there’s life after and things can be dealt with in time. But to go to the extent of cold blooded killing… FOR NO REASON, is SICK & heartbreaking. Even worst, when the killer just walks away. Try flipping the switch – you’ll never see that.

If you’re white and you’re wrong, then you’re wrong. If you’re black and you’re wrong, you’re wrong. People are people. Black, blue, pink, green – God make no rules about color; only society make rules where my people suffer, and that’s why we must have redemption and redemption now.

Bob Marley

And no, this issue is not a “life as a black woman or man” thing, it’s not a race thing, its a HUMANITY thing. Black people keep having to talk because white people are giving us something to talk about. I’m tired of saying black people, white people, and distinguishing by race and color. I actually truly hate it. It’s not something I’m used to or want to get used to. We all come from the same place and are made the same way, yet we can’t act accordingly. It’s draining. Where’s the love?!

Before I get into what being black in America and well, in this society, has been like for me growing up, I just want to have a moment of silence for the recent black lives that have been taken…RIP George Floyd, RIP Breonna Taylor, RIP Ahmaud Arbery.

Being Black In Society

Here goes…My life as a black woman. Growing up as a chocolate skin girl, I’ve had problems loving my skin color and it’s ALL because of society.

I was born in New York, but at the tender age of 3 years old, I moved to Jamaica. Growing up in Jamaica, racism was not so prominent but colorism sure is.

I’ve been playfully called “blacky” and back then, I just laughed it off, but (lol I’m laughing as I write this) these things follow you as a younger person and ruin your self image while not even realizing it in the moment.

Then, I moved back to America. I got a rude awakening. I was introduced to what racism is while living in America as an adult and… let’s just say I didn’t even know how to act.

I haven’t always loved my skin color because I’ve seen what having a lighter skin tone means to some people, or what being white can do for you. It’s overall a special preference. In the dating scene, it’s all some men see. With friendships, some females show more love to a lighter skin tone friend than the darker one. In business, you’re dealt with different…the good different, of course if you’re white. Even in the places you live and the places you go, you see the night and day treatment differences.

So now, after experiencing this first hand, why should I love my chocolate skin? I wasn’t always the chosen friend. I wasn’t always the chosen girl to date. I’m not given special treatment at establishments. These are what lead me to have a low self esteem growing up.  

And now, seeing black men and women making the news because of police brutality, how does that make me feel? I’ll tell you, fearful!

Learning To Love My Black Skin

Thankfully, to amazing family and friends around me who see me and remind me of my beauty, I then start to slowly believe it.

I decided the negative self thoughts had to stop. I vowed to look in the mirror and tell myself I am beautiful and point out all the features I love about myself and my beautiful chocolate skin. And to not let anyone let me feel small or less than. It’s a process. It takes time. It’s daily. Still, sometimes I have to remind myself and be reminded. It’s so important to have a good support system. 

What helped me as well was seeing the times starting to change. There began to be more inclusivity of chocolate girls – playing lead roles in the childhood shows I loved to watch, dark skinned dolls came into the picture, hearing and seeing “Black Girl Magic” everywhere and hearing all the powerful speeches, messages, songs, everything that reminded me that my skin is just like pearls. All of this plays such a HUGE role. 

Then, it’s dampened again by the constant trend in black lives TAKEN.

So please, stop killing black people, stop belittling us, stop shading us. Let us stand in our glory, stand in our shine and magic. We want to stop living in fear for our own lives and our loved ones’. We are all the same – humans, being. So please let me freely live my life as a black woman. A beautiful black woman.